For my birthday I went to the temple in the morning. I asked, as I was there, that I might be able to take the next big step towards overcoming my eating disorder.
That night we went to a local BBQ owned by a couple in our ward called "wallaby's." They are well known for their 99% gluten free menu. Most items have no wheat, the only thing that does is ONE of their sauces, and you can only get it if you ask for it specifically. It's 'off menu'.
It was PHENOMINAL. and it made me ill. Gluten free is not soy-dairy-corn-eggs-citric acid- wheat free. I was fine for a while, but I woke at 3 in the morning and was sick sick sick. Then I went back to sleep. And my life went on.
I determined the next day that it was MUCH less invasive than binging and purging. So... it was easier to see why I should not worry about it so much. But I know that it was mostly the blessing from the temple that morning. It has stayed with me and acted as a sheild, keeping the distracting thoughts of ED at bay.
It was hard to beleive that it could be like this, ever again. but it is.
Even if at some point I slip up again, now I know a few tricks. I know where to go for protection and what it feels like to have it. And I know that they that are with us are more than they that stand against us.
So many more.
~Jo Aich
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